Moving: it's a bitch (redux)

Hola, dudes. So this is the second time in the history of this blog that I've experienced the pleasure of moving. Last year I moved about 170 miles from Portland to Seattle, and this time I'm moving about ten times that distance from Seattle to Iowa. With any luck I won't find myself moving yet another order of magnitude farther next year, because that would put me 17,000 miles away from Iowa, smack dab around the planet and plopped in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Fuck that noise, I mean the ocean is great, but I prefer your more standard fare variety of ground-based living.

Anyway, a big truck comes tomorrow and we're loading all of our shit in it to haul 'er off to Iowa.

(Did I mention ... fuck yeah! Iowa!)

So. As part of the moving process I have been using Craigslist to sell/give away/trade for beer anything that I can afford to part with. Thus far I traded a shitty Ikea futon for a 12-pack of Fat Tire (I definitely came out on top there), and a gigantic metal sign with my company's name on it for some sketchy dude's gnarly homebrew. If I had known it was homebrew I'd have just put the damn sign out on the curb, but fortunately I'm good at dealing with adversity and I figure maybe I can trade the homebrew for some real beer. Preferably the type that comes with the angry grizzly bear with glowing red (presumably laser-shooting) eyeballs on the label.

Unfortunately, a lot of uptight dickwads keep flagging my sweet posts because they can't cope with the awesomeness of trading junk for beer.

I'm constantly amazed by the level of jack-assed dumbfuckery one encounters on Craiglist. For example, one of the things I'm giving away is a gigantic fern that belongs to Lady Shihady. Here is the Craigslist post that I set up:

Big fern. Will be given to whoever can pick it up today and/or prove that they won't kill it right away.

And here is a response I got:

Hello,

Are you talking about a plant if so, Please contact me back interested. Thank you.

Am I talking about a plant. Am I talking about a plant?!?! What clued you in, numbnuts, the gigantic photo of a gigantic fucking plant?!? Fuckin' A, I must be dealing with some kind of genius fucking alternate dimension rocket scientist here. If you'll excuse me, I have to go find my long-lost TI-81 graphing calculator, because clearly I'll need it to help compose an adequate response to Einstein McBotanist here.

Thanks,
Mike

ps: Maybe this dude thought that "fern" was code for "sweet combustible hobbit-weed"? If so, perhaps he shouldn't have contacted me using a va.gov email address. Christ.